A Thank You Is In Order

Because it’s better than “I’m sorry”

I wanted to apologize to you because I haven’t written here in almost a year and a half. I wanted to tell you I’m sorry because maybe you’ve come to expect something from me, and I didn’t deliver. I wanted your forgiveness because even when I was writing here, I didn’t write nearly as much as I hoped I would.

But I’m not going to. Because recently I’ve learned that saying thank you is a whole lot better than saying “I’m sorry.”

At least it is for me.

When I was 21, I got sicker than I have ever been. It was a sickness that affected both my body and my mind, and in a very real sense, it has stuck with me for the past 11 years. My body has slowly felt better over time, as has my mind. But one thing has been far more difficult to shake.

I am constantly seeking forgiveness. “I’m sorry” has become one of the most rapidly recurring phrases in my lexicon. I’ll apologize for being sick, or missing out, or letting someone down, or not measuring up, and the list goes on and one. To my friends, or my family, or to God. I’m always sorry.

But there is a much better way. Because recently through the love of people close to me, I’ve realized that “I’m sorry” isn’t the proper response in these situations. The truth is that my “I’m sorry” comes from a compulsive need to be reassured. It is a selfish knee jerk to keep myself safe and out of harm’s way. A plea to “please love me” to the people who already do.

My compulsion to apologize is a trick from the accuser. The one who loves to say “God doesn’t love you anymore. It all depends on you.” The one who is also, by God’s grace, a defeated foe.

My point isn’t that we should never apologize. Of course we should seek forgiveness for sin and wrongdoing.

My point is simply that we often beg for forgiveness when we ought to just say thank you. I felt compelled to write to you tonight because I don’t think I’m alone in this. I think that maybe you too sometimes ask for forgiveness where it’s already been freely given. What if we replaced our sorrow with gratitude?

Instead of “I’m sorry for letting you down” what if we start with “Thank you for loving me.”

A few years ago I wrote a little poem and God brought it to mind recently. I want to share it with you here:

“My Bad”

Today I apologized to God.

I’m sorry, God, for being so sad.

I’m sorry, God, for being so broken.

I’m sorry, God, for being so sick.

I’m sorry, God, that I’m so hard to love.

I apologized. And God answered.

“Mitch, you’re not guilty because you’re sad.

You’re blessed because you mourn.

You’re not guilty because you’re broken.

I am near to the broken-hearted.

You’re not guilty for being sick.

Your soul is being renewed day by day.

I don’t love you because

you’re happy

you’re unbroken

you’re healthy

I love you because I choose to. That’s more than enough.”

Tomorrow I’ll just say thank you.

I wanted to say I’m sorry that I’ve been gone for so long. But for now I’ll just say thanks for reading.